Recently the folks over at Thought Catalog did a Q&A which involved the particular taste of their boyfriend’s semen. The writers here at Weekly Wasteland found the idea greatly amusing, albeit a tad bit sexist.
Why was there no narrative from the man’s POV? Vaginas are beautiful, magical things, and should likewise be discussed as much–if not more-so–than the penis.
So I recent interviewed several men on the street’s outside of the Weekly Wasteland Headquarters. My question: What does your female partner’s love tunnel taste like?
Although a portion of men wanted no part of our questionnaire–because they are obviously sexist pigs–we did manage to get ten progressive males to share with us their experiences “eating out”.
And I now present to you, dear reader: 10 Men Describe What Their Girlfriend’s Vagina Tastes Like
“I only bone vegan chicks so basically all the muff I munch starts to taste the same after awhile. Maybe a hint of citrus here and there. Or the bittersweet tang of a sweaty, fermented pineapple.” – Peter, 29
Vanilla Milkshake Sitting In A Hot Car For Several Hours
“My girl tends to overdo it with those fruity smelling body sprays. As a result, I usually get a mouthful of the residuals when I go down south, know what I’m saying? It’s like a synthetic vanilla molten soft serve erupting from her little vaginal volcano! Haha! … I sure hope she’s not reading this!” – Daniel, 31
Water At The Bottom Of A Can Of Tuna
“The last time I chowed down on some broad’s nappy dugout it tasted hardcore like some clammy-ass water you usually dump down the sink when you’re making a tuna sandwich. I just did the alphabet with my tongue as fast as I could while pretending I had a gun pointed to my head so I wouldn’t vomit all in that girl’s cooch. I hope the next woman I service has the courtesy to freshen up before I yodel in her canyon!” – Tyrell, 45
Canned Dog Food
“My wife’s love juice has the scent and flavor of a freshly opened can of Alpo. She’s lucky I love her so much because I don’t know if any man besides myself would willingly endure playing in her v-jay when it tastes like a pile rancid dog slop.” – Norman, 38
An Ashtray Filled With Vomit
“My girlfriend chain smokes and eats a lot of acidic food so whenever I tongue-fuck her clam it’s like dipping my face into a hairy basket which reeks of cigarette butts and puke. Molly, if you’re reading this, don’t get upset. Just lay off the smokes, doll.” – Gerald, 41
Microwaved Fish Sticks
“My girl eats a lot of fast food. When I get the urge to plunder her gunt, I am almost always overwhelmed by the fetid stench of soggy microwaved fish sticks. Needless to say, I have become very talented at breathing through my mouth.” – Tad, 25
Other Men’s Cum
“My primary lady-friend and I are in a poly-amorous relationship, therefore I can usually expect her baby-box to carry the essence of a previous lover. I have learned to savor the zesty twang of another man’s cock milk co-mingling with her own passionate excretions. I like to fantasize about all the hammer’s which have formerly pummeled her meat-muffin while I lovingly lap up her labia-gravy. As a progressive male feminist, I am honored to slurp all the love-custard from my woman’s well-used snapper.” – David, 33
“First time I went down on my ex the smell immediately made me flash back to a childhood memory where I was at the local fair, and my mom had gotten me and my brothers chili-dogs from this one particularly decrepit vendor. They were the vilest things I’ve ever tasted… I think the hot dog’s may have even been spoiled. That was the first thought I had… Needless to say the relationship didn’t last long after that.” – Timothy, 23
Nickles Baked In Shit
“My chick used to wipe the wrong way so I got a little extra treat whenever I would pig out on her pastrami sandwich. Her snizz itself kinda tastes metallic. So yeah, the combination of nickles and poo would best describe the flavor of my honey-“poo’s” chasm.” – Karl, 51
“You ever have a big stinking wet dog jump up in your lap and start licking you in the face? Well basically that… Yeah, it wasn’t pleasant. – Carl, 31