Weekly Wasteland Advice

5 New Years Resolutions You Should Avoid

5 New Years Resolutions You Should Avoid - Weekly Wasteland

Every single year, we hear our friend’s same ole’ worn-out new years resolutions; Mostly related to fallout’s from the previous year’s revolutions. Be it a promise to yourself or to those around you, or a complete change in your perspective, most of us seek to start out the new year on a positive note.

Now, with the help of social media, everyone can make a heartfelt online confession to 2000 of their closest friends. But are you really ready to start “living your life to the fullest”, or do you intend to continue flushing it all away on mediocre Netflix originals and mindless Tumblr scrolling? We already know the answer, so why even pretend?

Check out our top 5 New Years resolutions to avoid this year and save yourself from the embarrassment, feelings of powerlessness, and hypocrisy of lapsing on that highly publicized struggle to make and keep meaningful relationships, or not fritter your entire paycheck away on useless garbage!

Weight-Loss, Personal Fitness, Or Anything Pertaining To A Diet

Is there seriously a point to these resolutions? I mean, if you had really taken your health or body image seriously to begin with you would not have needed the excuse, or the added pressure of making a highly personal lifestyle change! Either do it to begin with, or just keep being the lazy, unhealthy slob you really are at heart!

Also, this is probably the most basic New Year’s resolution to make, no doubt perpetuated by the internalized guilt you feel for eating the equivalent of 24 sticks of butter during the holidays, in addition to aggressively advertised 24-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week fitness centers geared towards people so socially embarrassed about exercise that they have to run on a treadmill at 3 am! All you’re really committing to is becoming yet another cog in the great machine that is social media self-improvement!

Being A Better Person

Recognizing your flaws as a human being living in a world filled with starvation, disease, violence, and of course, ignorance, means literally NOTHING. Sure, maybe you can accept the fact you are an awful person to be friends with, or a nightmare in relationships, but isn’t acceptance the last step of the grieving process? By acknowledging the problem, you have practically finished the resolution already, so there is no point in prolonging it any further by trying to change yourself—because at the end of the day, do people ever really change who they fundamentally are?

Your friends and family who actually tell you about the bad habits (such as poor hygiene) you need to change about yourself already love you, so there is little threat to your interpersonal relationships, and in fact, these people have likely already accepted you—despite your flaws and defects.

Forming New Habits

Most New Year’s resolutions revolve around eliminating old things, such as de-cluttering your home, getting rid of outdated trends that point to your true age, or sloughing off negativity like a snake shedding its skin. The next tip on our list of ill-conceived resolutions pertains to the pitfalls of forming fresh habits.

Writing out a long, sincere entry on Facebook which explains your new resolution may seem positive and uplifting, but the dopamine from all the support and interest you’ll receive is downright addicting. Since you are already trying to get rid of old cravings, does this really address your annoying, chronic problem with pledge-making?

Seems like all it does is replace your old problem with a new one, like a heroin addict switching from smack to alcoholism, thereby creating the same, regrettable dependency which led you down this desolate road to begin with. Who really needs that kind of commitment in their life? I sure don’t.

Saving Money

Yet another popular resolution you see many people making, particularly after a holiday in which you’ve spent far beyond your means, and are paying the barest minimum on your credit card payments—but still another resolution to beware of! If you are making it public, not only will this air out your financial instability after having so carefully cultivated an image of wealth and generosity, but this also makes it unbearably uncomfortable for your family and friends to hear, as it may come off as a passive-aggressive way to ask for cash, or an extension on a friendly loan.

Does anyone feel as though they have enough money? Couldn’t we all use more zeros in our bank account?

Besides, with tax season just around the corner, if you truly are low income while desperately trying to appear upper-middle class, you’ll get plenty enough on your impending tax return to vanquish all financial troubles for at least another month!

Making Any Resolutions At All

Most resolutions just tell you how to live your life, despite having made them in order to improve the quality of said life. The sad irony is, your painfully calculated commitment to yourself, or the people around you, really prevents you from living life to the fullest. Reigning in the excess, forming meaningful connections, and making healthy, responsible choices are the quickest paths to existential dread and lingering regret.

Hitting the yoga studio 3 times a week seems like the most socially acceptable and healthy thing for you to do, but think of what you could be missing out on! Life is too short for you to be eating box-prepared mac n’ cheese all the time in order to save money for that future vacation you’ll likely never take, and honestly, your Instagram account will be thanking you for your artistic composition of a 6 dollar cup of Starbucks or trendy, or a plate at the hottest sushi joint in town. Live in the now, and truly enjoy the experience instead of regulating it in a self-flagellating communal tradition! You will thank yourself come next year!

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