The Internet is the largest source of information in the world, and with the aid of superior technologies, power and resources, Americans can better share their crippling mental disorders with like-minded individuals.
Have you been looking for a way to fight the all-consuming existential dread of living a life free from war-zone violence, or wondering where your next meal will come from, yet NEED to do so via Facebook or Twitter?
Is your Internet addiction standing in the way of actual depression treatment, as you sit there, wrapped in a blanket, scrolling for the latest “dank memes”?
Well, regardless of how you came across this article, Weekly Wasteland is here with helpful tips and suggestions on how to overcome depression through the use of social media!
Keep In Touch
Post about your self-diagnosed clinical depression regularly, but sternly decline advice from concerned friends, family and/or medical professionals. In fact, it’s best to completely ignore anything anyone has to say, after all, they don’t know you like you know you.
Continue demanding incessant amounts of attention by obsessively private messaging people under the pretense of seeking help, but then railroad any responses with a barrage of flailing emotional turmoil and flimsy excuses. This conversation was supposed to be about you and YOUR needs anyway!
Be prepared to fully unload all your emotional baggage onto any unwitting acquaintance at a moment’s notice. This is sure to strengthen your interpersonal connections and give you a much-needed sense of reassurance from your new-found BFF!
Face Your Fears
Piggyback this next tip onto our previous one; if you are already posting online frequently, likewise cover this next particular form of content in addition to the usual dismal and self-flagellating . Dig down deep to what really makes your blood run cold—because if you are really, truly depressed, then death is not your greatest fear!
So is it the terror of not achieving social acceptance which keeps you awake at night? Or rather, do you have unresolved abandonment issues from the time your mother forgot you at the grocery store? One of these experiences could be contributing to your depression, so start triggering yourself by tossing your filter out the window, and diary-form posts on a public forum to swiftly reach the root of your issues!
Join A Troll Group
A great way to combat depression, and prevent yourself from becoming socially withdrawn (without actually having to be in physical contact with anyone) is to join a highly active, super brutal Facebook troll group.
Be as endearingly vulnerable as possible within the safety net of your 2000 closest friends, and watch as your social circle ever increases! Sure, you’ll be mercilessly cyber bullied, but that’s what you need: A sobering dose of reality from a bunch of Internet sociopaths who are also low-key dealing with their own crippling depression, assorted mental illness and a plethora of personality disorder!.
Here, you can finally let loose (within the rules of the group, of course) and berate other people while milking all that depression from your system like a toxic venom.
Bonus: This contemporary form of “support group” will also give you some much needed perspective on your textbook first-world-problem!
Let your everyday routine devolve in favor of a tried-and-true millennial favorite: self-infantilization! Take a break from your socially applauded Yoga-with-Cats class, your bleak gluten-free, Paleolithic diet and treat yourself and treat yourself with a Starbucks drink with more sugar than a king-sized candy bar!
Start filling your ever-yearning void with temporary comforts that you can’t even afford, all the while documenting it on Instagram, or other photo-centric social media websites.
Be sure to avoid all adult responsibilities while using the appropriate hashtags to bring in a welcome helping of dopamine as the World Wide Web approves of you and your crummy life choices!
Experts say that the more you talk about a goal–or any type of plan–the less likely you are to complete, nonetheless start it. With this in mind, and the “death positivity” movement gaining more and more momentum, we suggest openly talking about, and planning your own eventual suicide!
With newfound support within such hot social topics as “my body, my choice”, this is the perfect opportunity for you to take advantage of everyone else’s open mindedness! Avoid criticism by comparing your permanent solution to life’s woes life with extreme body modification, morbid obesity, sex change operations, or abortion.
By making suicide a constructive and uplifting discussion, you will eventually become so tired of talking about it that the thought won’t even cross your mind anymore, and you’ll likewise be hailed for your innovative way of confronting such a taboo subject!