Department Of Disappointed Dads

Department Of Disappointed Dads – 12/25/17

Department Of Disappointed Dads - Weekly Wasteland

Dear DDoD,

I’ve been exceptionally depressed lately. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me, took my dog, and the loss has started to affect my career. I feel so lost and hopeless. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I haven’t bathed in over a week. I just don’t see the point anymore. After my ex left with the dog I’ve come to the crushing realization that no one will ever love me again.

How do I deal with these feelings and get back on my feet again?

Single And Depressed,
Marietta, GA

Marshall Hackner:

When I hear my son Andrew talk like that I throw him some work to take his mind off it. He doesn’t do a good job, but it makes him feel better. The point is, you may be terrible at your job, and I’m assuming you are since you’re clearly a little panty waste crybaby who lets women take your dog and screw your life all up, but get your ass up and go do some work, even if it’s garbage and ultimately makes things worse leaving someone else to clean up after your clusterfuck that you call productivity. Women don’t like crybabies who can’t deal with the real world. If your ex won’t give back the dog just get a new dog, you know, like a man. Better yet, go to her house and take it. I’m only assuming you’re bigger and stronger because you are male, however your pity party makes me think otherwise and maybe that’s not such good advice because you’ll probably get your ass kicked. Are you in love with the dog or something? I feel sorry for your dad, I know what it’s like when your boy’s a defective layabout with no ambition or talent. At least for your dad’s sake grow up and cut the shit so he can show his face around the elk’s lodge again.

Ayhan Uzun:

يبدو أنه يجب عليك الانتحار. أيضا أبي يجب أن ينتحر عن العار كنت قد جلبت عائلتك.

Berry Windford:

Well, son. This is a tough one. I wish my daughter would bring home a sensitive guy, but instead she’s always dating guys who think they’re sorcerers, cult leaders, bikers… God, you wouldn’t believe some of the garbage this girl brings home. And I’m just supposed to deal with it? I’m supposed to be happy that she’s dating some lowrent Jim Jones wannabe? I’M JUST SUPPOSED TO SWALLOW MY PRIDE AND SAY YEAH, THAT’S THE DAUGHTER I RAISED, SHE’S DATING A FUCKING WIZARD. HOW GREAT IS THAT CONSTRUCTION BUDDIES? I swear I’m on the verge of disowning her if she keeps this shit up. I’M DONE WITH THESE NEW AGE HIPPIE FUCKS COMING INTO MY HOME, HAVING DINNER WITH MY FAMILY AND TALKING THEIR COMMIE PINKO BULLSHIT AT MY DINNER TABLE–THAT I PAID FOR MIGHT I ADD, WITH HARD WORK! NOT SOME FUCKING BERNIE SANDERS HANDOUT. I’M DONE. I’M FUCKING DONE.

Department Of Disappointed Dads (DoDD)

About Department Of Disappointed Dads (DoDD)

The 'Department of Disappointed Dads' (DoDD) are a trio of fathers who feel their duty is to give advice online to those in need so that others do not befall the same disappointing trappings of their own adult children. You can trust their no-frills life-lessons won't beat around the bush, doling out tough love, and their own unique brand of wisdom that can only come from having your child be a complete and utter failure.
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