Weekly Wasteland News

A-Listers Who Suffer From Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: Bernie Sanders


We commoners generally believe celebs are flawless in every respect, the absolute pinnacle of human perfection and accomplishment. But would you believe that some of the biggest stars in Hollywood also suffer from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)?

Perhaps your favorite actor or actress had a mother who abused alcohol while their star-to-be was still in utero? While a few A-Lister are open advocates for FAS acceptance, other celebrities, such as Tony Danza, have kept their disability a secret due to fear of how they’d be perceived by their adoring public. However, Weekly Wasteland looks to celebrate these individuals for overcoming insurmountable odds, whether they want us to or not!

So get settled in, pour yourself the spirits of your choice, and enjoy our new ongoing series, ‘Celebs Who Suffer From Fetal Alcohol Syndrome!’

 Bernie Sanders

Would you believe someone with FAS could get all the way to the US Senate? Even run for President of the United States?

Bernie’s story is a bittersweet one. While his beady little rat eyes, lack of impulse control, poor social skills and difficulty working toward reality-oriented goals really resonated with his voter base (42% of Bernie supporters also suffer from FAS), in the end it was his inability to anticipate the consequences of his actions which cost him the DNC nomination.

The absolute incomprehension of cause-and-effect logic is one of the most tragic symptoms of severe FAS, something which his entire political platform was seemingly built upon.

Alyssa Lamb

About Alyssa Lamb

Alyssa Lamb is a Professor of Urban Folklore at the University of Massachusetts and runs a small private consultation firm dealing in private engineering contracts. She lives on the beach with her husband and they enjoy trips to the boardwalk for dough boys and mini golf.
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