Weekly Wasteland News

A-Listers Who Suffer From Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: Reese Witherspoon


We filthy commoners generally believe celebs are flawless in every respect; the absolute pinnacle of human perfection and accomplishment. But would you believe that some of the biggest stars in Hollywood suffer from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)?

Perhaps your favorite actor or actress had a mother who abused alcohol while their star-to-be was still in utero? While a few A-Lister are open advocates for FAS acceptance, other celebrities, such as Tony Danza, have kept their disability a secret due to fear of how they’d be perceived by their adoring public.

However, Weekly Wasteland looks to celebrate these individuals for overcoming insurmountable odds, whether they want us to or not!

So get settled in, pour yourself the spirits of your choice, and enjoy our new ongoing series, ‘A-Listers Who Suffer From Fetal Alcohol Syndrome!’

Reese Witherspoon

You may envy this Hollywood starlette’s signature look, but Reese’s thin upper lip and malformed cranium are classic signatures of FAS.

While Witherspoon lives a relatively normal life despite her severe learning disabilities, co-stars have reported dealing with the a-lister’s anxiousness, rapidly changing moods, and lackluster personal hygeine. Luke Wilson, who costarred in Witherspoon’s blockbuster starring debut, ‘Legally Blond’, claimed the actress was “a real nightmare to work with” in a radio interview with KARN Chicago.

Wilson continued, “Reese was always sticking her hand down the back of her pants and it was obvious to everyone on set that she was sort of mindlessly scratching her butthole… Yes, with her bare hand… She smelled like feces during the entire filming of Legally Blonde, and I’ve heard other horror stories from other costars… I don’t care how successful she is, I would never work with Reese Witherspoon ever again…”

These shortcomings certainly haven’t stopped Reese from following her dream, as she has gone on to enjoy a varied and successful career in acting after her breakout 2001 hit, Legally Blonde.

It’s rumored that Witherspoon’s mother was an excessive alcoholic when Reese was still in the womb, and it is a surprise that the actress isn’t in far worse condition given the amount ‘momma Witherspoon’ allegedly drank. But for fans of Reese, it was JUST ENOUGH to give her the striking appearance and charm they all know and love!

Alyssa Lamb

About Alyssa Lamb

Alyssa Lamb is a Professor of Urban Folklore at the University of Massachusetts and runs a small private consultation firm dealing in private engineering contracts. She lives on the beach with her husband and they enjoy trips to the boardwalk for dough boys and mini golf.
View all posts by Alyssa Lamb →

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