Observation: Males with a penchant for posting a multitude of selfies are devoid of all traits which make for a decent human, those traits being; personality, creativity and empathy.
Question: What mental illness causes said phenomenon.
Hypothesis: The aforementioned ‘selfitis’ sufferers are soulless narcissists, unworthy of having their existence indulged by the rest of humankind.
Expected Outcome Of This Study: It is my theory that men who find this article hitting too close to home will perform one of two actions: I will either be immediately blocked as to prevent dissenting opinions from damaging their fragile narcissistic bubble. Or, they will fervently begin issuing personal attacks, (not directed towards my study, theories or opinions, but me as an individual), in a desperate bid to defend their ego-fueled echo chambers of daily face affirmations on their appearance.
Experiment: Introduce contrary, fact-based stimuli to males who publish a slew of selfies.
Now I want you to imagine something. Envision a man, penis hanging between his legs, testosterone (in varying quantities) flowing through his system via a set of gonads. This male, he thinks to himself, “I should really take a photograph of myself and post it online!”
So he snaps a series of 20 pictures, a peculiar ritual in and of itself, recreating established “good angles”, trying out new experimental positions and poses, this process continues for half an hour or more. Once satisfied with the collection of photos, all of which providing a minimal range of stunted human emotion, he moves onto the next stage.
Our subject sits back and scrolls through these images of himself, lost in his own reflection, until finally a select few photos have been deemed worthy of public consumption.
For these individuals, this exact series of events occurs multiple times a day. Everyday. A rate which should be alarming to any normal person who hasn’t also been utterly warped by Social Media’s impact on the human psyche. This grown man, with his daily grip of selfies, plasters them to their respective accounts in a bid to both attract sexual partners, and validate their own malignant narcissism.
There are numerous reasons a male may take gratuitous amounts of selfies, and none of them are indicative of a healthy psych profile. To the contrary, the primary intent behind the abuse of muggin’ up your friend’s list ranges from the previously stated narcissism, to a bottomless pit of insecurity which requires constant reassurance from their handpicked ‘spirit squad’–Anyone criticizing this individual’s overuse of self-indulgent, masturbatory “photography” is immediately banished, as dissent would cause their fragile, utterly self-centered house of cards to come crashing down.
And the scientific discoveries don’t stop there, folks! Researchers at Nottingham Trent University and the Thiagarajar School of Management in India have developed a ‘selfitis behavious scale’, a ranked list of traits which can be used to assess the severity of an individual’s mental illnesses related to the frequency of their daily selfie schedule.
The findings, published in the International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, confirmed that there are three levels of selfitis:
- Borderline: Taking photos of yourself at least three times a day but not posting them on social media;
- Acute: Taking photos of yourself at least three times a day and posting each one on social media;
- Chronic: Uncontrollable urge to take photos of yourself round the clock and posting the photos on social media more than six times a day.
“Six motivating factors were identified, with selfitis sufferers typically seeking to increase their self-confidence, seek attention, improve their mood, connect with the environment around them (to create a record of memories), increase their conformity with the social group around them, as well as being socially competitive.”
So remember, ladies (or gentlemen), next time you’re scoping out a guy’s social media profile, take note of the amount of selfies he has posted. Assuming you yourself are not a chronic sufferer of selfitis, you could easily be walking headlong into the worst decision you’ll make all year.