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New Study Claims Taking Excessive Selfies Could Make You Uglier

New Study Claims Taking Excessive Selfies Could Make You Uglier - Weekly Wasteland

We all love selfies, right? Nothing beats flaunting your own tenuous balance between vanity and insecurity while racking up heart reacts and thirsty comments! However, according to new study out of the Minnesota Institute of Facial Sciences, this may be an even more slippery slope than we could have imagined; Creating permanent subtle facial deformities via a vicious cycle wherein the uglier the afflicted becomes, the more selfies they post, thereby exacerbating these irreversible effects on your once pleasant features. To explain more, we contacted Dr. Clancy Hardgrove of the Minnesota Institute of Facial Sciences, who has recently completed a 5 year study using a test group of over one thousand participants.

According to Dr. Hardgrove, long-lasting facial idiosyncrasies, such as the much parodied ‘duck lips’, are unavoidable when an individual has repeatedly contorted their face for the execution of a selfie. This level of hightened control causes a neurotic micromanaging of facial expressions, resulting in a fun house mirror effect on the face’s ‘resting features’. A friendly smile turns into a horrifying, and gnarled grin. The eyes begin to seperate and no longer move in unison. The list of selfie related side effects could be an article in and of itself.

With this process repeated multiple times a day over the span of years, the neurological pathways in the brain are retrained so when the face is at rest it defaults to these contorted expressions.
So, how are we to feel confidence and flattery without also making ourselves uglier and ultimately feeling worse in the end? Or what if it’s too late and your face has already begun to deform? Dr. Hardgrove, along with clinical psychiatrist Dr. Christine Alexander have founded The Xanergrove Rehabilitation Clinic for Selfie Addicts, and offer intensive physical therapy programs, plastic surgery and long term counseling in order to encourage the development of literally any other source of self-esteem.

Alyssa Lamb

About Alyssa Lamb

Alyssa Lamb is a Professor of Urban Folklore at the University of Massachusetts and runs a small private consultation firm dealing in private engineering contracts. She lives on the beach with her husband and they enjoy trips to the boardwalk for dough boys and mini golf.
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