Welcome to Weather Update with Trixie Brockney…
Hello ladies and gentlemen, Trixie Brockney here again with the weather.
Now that the holidays are behind us and all wonderment has been torn away like the wrapping paper of a much-desired Christmas gift, we are left with a vast, bleak winter ahead.
Even the southeast, normally immune to such extreme conditions, got their little bitch asses SPANKED by my baby Inga. It’s like they don’t even believe what’s happening. OH YOU BETTER BET YOUR ASS THIS IS FUCKING HAPPENING.
Luckily for them something else has piqued my cosmic interest; Augusta, Maine: You have officially just made my SHIT LIST. I hope you enjoyed that foot of snow yesterday. Because it’s only the beginning SO LONG AS SICK FUCKS CAN PLASTER KID’S PHOTOS ALL OVER THEIR DISGUSTING FLICKR AND THE COPS SAY NO CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED. I WILL FUCKING SEAL YOU DISGUSTING CUNTS IN 10 FEET OF ICE. TEST ME.
It seems to me that if you stupid assholes were willing to tolerate this kind of behavior you should have had the FUCKING FORESIGHT to invest in plumbing, power generators, food supplies, etc. BECAUSE I CAN OUTLAST YOU ALL. MY HOME IS A FUCKING FORTRESS.
Should this continue in your communities I will RAIN DOWN PURE HELL from the SKY. REMEMBER THE ICE STORM OF ’98? That was child’s play, literally. I was still a teenager. My powers have only been refined and fortified over the last 20 years. This is your first and final warning, Augusta, FIX THAT SHIT before I have to FIX IT FOR YOU.
I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF THIS FLIES AGAINST YOUR “SENSIBILITIES.” FUCK YOUR PRIDE. FUCK YOUR MONEY. FUCK YOUR SENSE OF DIGNITY. FUCK YOUR EXCUSES. AS FAR AS YOU’RE CONCERNED I’M FUCKING ELSA, BITCHES.
Seriously, this is your LAST FUCKING CHANCE. Do something about the predator shit-bags in your neighborhood or get ready to FREEZE and STARVE and DIE. REMEMBER JAMESTOWN? YOU WILL CANNIBALIZE YOUR OWN FAMILY AND I WILL BE HERE LAUGHING.